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My July 2002 Writings

My July 2002 Writings

27 July 2002

erm...title...yeah...that should go here

The summer is halfway gone or is it that it's only just begun? Yeah, like I'm an optimist?!? :) The seasons do tend to blur now that I am a member of the so-called 'real' world and no longer pursuing any formal education. It's amazing how you long for a summer off when you can't have one. :)

I have actually begun an evening class...a couple nights a week...after work. I've only had 2 classes so far and I have learned a bit,but not enough has been covered for me to be truly interested. I have some experience with the topic being taught so until the coursework gets a bit more complicated, I will continue to finish the exercises in the lab book a bit more quickly than others. This is not really a problem. I'm rather used to learning quickly and finishing coursework with little effort...especially when any sort of programming is involved. The only problem is that this class is 4 hours long and after a long day at work...well...honestly I've been bored. I'm sure it will pick up soon and then I will be complaining that things are moving too fast. :) I'm never happy. :)

On another note...I've been dreaming far too much lately. Dreaming of someone that is simply untouchable...even though I refuse to truly believe that. I'm certain that my dreams mean little (or nothing), but they do tend to complicate matters because I will (occasionally) start to say something I shouldn't because I've dreamt that I was closer to this person than I really am. It's essentially a blending of dreams and reality...nothing major. :) I know all too well what the reality is. I just tend to entertain the dreamer in me far too often. :) It amuses me. He intrigues me and I simply tolerate myself...and my little meandering mindless, soul-felt thoughts. :)

Speaking of dreams vs. reality...ever wonder what your life would be like if you felt completely free to pursue each and every whim that presents itself in your dreams? (I wonder if anarchy would ensue?) I know what my life would be like...absolutely nothing like it is. :) Yes, I could elaborate, but I find this horribly confining conscience of mine will not allow myself to discuss certain topics on this website - it's that lack of total freedom from judgment that restricts me. I know I could care less what my friends or co-workers might read here, but any familial relations that might happen to encounter these pages forces me to restrict my discussions to random and vague thoughts.

I've never felt free with my family. I feel as though I must act in a way that is expected of me when surrounded by family. This means I must refrain from expressing myself freely because although family is supposed to love unconditionally, family is also one's harshest judge. And even worse, with family, a judgment need not be voiced...a simple glance will suffice in doling out the worst and most painful of judgments. Fortunately, I'm fairly certain that no relative of mine reads these pages or even knows of their existence. Yet, I still avoid any topics that would be considered taboo. Odd really...since any of my close friends will tell you that there is no such thing as 'taboo' in my personal conversations.

Goodnight and may you have the sweetest of dreams. :)


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