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My November 2000 Writings

My November 2000 Writings

15 November 2000

Personal Graffiti

Solitude surrounds me
Swallowing the life Iíve come to know
With each new day I long to see
Beyond myself, into another soul

I long to be optimistic.
I pretend to believe that this will end.
However, Iíve always been pessimistic
About this life and heart I tend.

I seek, but one
To share my heart
And come undone
Lost in passionate pleasure
Never to depart
The undiscovered treasure
Knowing the touch
Of loveís sweet lips
Wanting you so much
Dare I not think twice?
And risk a lone eclipse
Will my dreams suffice?

Vicious beauty is all I see
In his eyes and his smile, I bask
Dreaming as though all else has ceased to exist
Seeking the soul within this intriguing treasure
Eagerly awaiting the day
Yonder heart may succumb and play.

8 November 2000

Silent desires
Haunt my soul
Of love's rich fires
Burning to know your soul.

Incessant wonder exists
Yearning to feel your touch
Pondering why you resist
Wishing you wanted me as much

Ok, so that one is rather rough. I'm finding it difficult to express my feelings as of late. Perhaps because of the fact that I've had to suppress my feelings for a certain man. The attraction I feel is intense, but I am uncertain as to his feelings. Actually, I don't even know if he is even slightly interested in me. This makes things rather difficult because my heart races every time I see him smile. He fascinates and intrigues me and as such I long to know his soul, his heart, and yes...his touch. The tension I feel in his presence is most likely only on my end though and that is disheartening.

His smile is beautiful as are his eyes. His shyness makes him all the more adorable. Each time I talk to him I find myself wondering ... do I have even a slight chance at winning his heart and knowing his soul?

It has been quite awhile since I've found myself interested in any man. And now I find myself interested in one who most likely is unattainable. Convenient, isn't it? At least this way I risk nothing because he will never know how I feel and so there is no chance of getting hurt. I can dream of him to my heart's content. Yet, in all honesty, I came very close to pouring out my heart to him and telling him that I'd like to get to know him better. I didn't, of course, but there is a part of me that wants so much to reach out to take the chance even if it means rejection.

In many ways I find it quite funny. I feel like a school girl again with a crush on the cute boy. I haven't felt like this in a long time. It pains me to know that I may never know his touch. I don't know that he'd even believe me if I told him anything...we are worlds apart in some ways and similar in others. I suppose for now I will just have to settle for seeing his smile and hearing his voice. I look forward to any bit of his time that I can share each day. Who knows...maybe someday his heart will look my way? I have so much love I want to give...only to him.

1 November 2000

Is age not simply a count of one's physical presence on this place called Earth? As children we learn the miracle and wonder of life as we run and play and learn and grow. With each passing year we learn the meaning of life by experiencing the passions that lie deep within our hearts and minds and souls. Discovery is one constant in this world for scarclely a day goes by when one does not discover something new, be it a trivial matter or an incredible revelation. A man is not wise solely because he has lived a long life. A man is wise only if he has learned from each experience along the way. One of youth that has had to endure great suffering may indeed be far wiser than one of age who has foolishly learned nothing from a life misspent.

Passion, much like wisdom, is truly ageless. One does not become more passionate because one grows physically older nor does one lose passion with age. Passion dies only as dreams die, as hopes die, as souls die. Ah, but this is where discovery can revitalize what once was dead. For discovering one's true heart and soul and allowing one's self to also discover the beauty in another soul allows one to re-discover a passion that may have once been lost and nurture a wisdom that age cannot give.

Opening one's heart and mind to the many experiences and people simply awaiting discovery may create a passion and wisdom far beyond one's dreams. When passion inspires love, peace, and understanding - then and only then is one truly ageless. Thus, what does the count of one's physical existence really mean?

Nothing or perhaps at the most, very little.

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